Past Due

I know that you guys have been dying without The Office quotes for over a month now. I'm sorry! I can't believe how much of a slacker I've been. I'm finally all moved into the new apartment. Things should be getting less hectic now. Now, I just need to remember to put my pictures on my computer so that I can possibly blog about things. It's late, I should've been in bed hours ago. (No chastisement needed, Mommy! I know the error of my ways.)



The Office Calendar:
Mar. 2nd: "I am taking responsibility. It is up to me to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. I'm not superstitious. But I am a little stitious." -Michael
Mar. 3rd: "They say if you're nervous around someone you should picture them naked. I do not recommend this strategy. Try picturing them with more clothes on. Or a funny coat." -Pam
Mar. 4th: "We had a foreign exchange student live with us when I was young. And we called him my brother and I thought that's what he was. Then he went home to what is now formerly Yugoslavia, taking all my blue jeans with him. I had to spend the entire winter in shorts. That is what Ryan is like. A fake brother who steals your jeans." -Michael
Mar. 5th: "Trip Advisor is the life-blood of the agritourism industry. A couple of bad reviews there, you might as well close up shop. That's what took down the Stalk Inn, one of the cutest little asparagus farms you'll ever see." -Dwight
Mar. 6th: "I just have a small problem" -Michael "I told you not to call about small problems." -Ryan "Yeah, well, when I call about big problems, you don't like that either, so make up your mind, kiddo!" -Michael
Mar. 7th/8th: "I tried to live the dream. I tried to have a job, a girlfriend, another job . . . and I failed. But the good thing about the American dream is that you can just go to sleep and try it all again the next night." -Michael
Mar. 9th: "Michael just rented The Devil Wears Prada . . . He has his Netflix sent here to the office and he watches them in pieces, when things are "slow." . . . He's a big Meryl Streep fan so I shouldn't be surprised that he's identified with her character." -Pam
Mar. 10th: "Okay, this is Dwight's Second Life. He's on it all the time. So much so, that his little guy here has created his own little world. It's called "Second Second Life" for those people how want to be removed even further from reality." -Jim
Mar. 11th: "That's how it goes sometimes . . . You lose everything, and everything falls apart, and eventually you die and no one remembers you." -Dwight
Mar. 12th: "Maybe there's some sort of animal that we could make a sacrifice to? Like a giant buffalo, or some sort of monster, like something with the body of a walrus, with the head of a sea lion. Or something with the body of an egret, with the head of a meerkat. Or, just the head of a monkey with the antlers of a reindeer with the body of a porcupine." -Michael
Mar. 13th: "When Michael plays the hypothetical game, I always say yes . . . and I am always busy." -Jim
Mar. 14th/15th: "Okay, the green bar is what you spend every month on stuff you need, like a car and a hour. . . . The red bar is what you spend on non-essentials, like magazines, entertainment, things like that. . . . This scary black bar is what you spend on things that no one ever, ever needs. Like multiple magic sets, professional bass fishing equipment . . ." -Oscar
Mar. 16th: "D0 I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked, I enjoy being liked, I have to be liked, but it's not like this compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised." -Michael
Mar. 17th: "Darryl Philbin is the most complicated man that I have ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of game is this?" -Kelly
Mar. 18th: "Business to business the old-fashioned way. No Blackberrys, not websites. I would like to see a website deliver baskets of food to people." -Michael
Mar. 19th: "So, I'll come get you for the table-making demonstration. And as of this morning we are completely wireless here at Schrute Farms. But as soon as I find out where Mose hid all the wires, we'll get the power back on. Alrighty!" -Dwight
Mar. 20th: "You are creative. You are damn creative. Each and every one of you. You are so much more creative than all the other dry, boring morons that you work with." -Michael
Mar. 21st/22nd: Ryan: "It's not part of your job. It's like, maybe you can cook, but that doesn't mean you should start a restaurant." Michael: "Well, actually, I can't cook, and I am starting a restaurant. Mike's Cereal Shack. I'm thinking we'll have as many varieties as you can buy in the store"
Mar. 23rd: "Now that I think about it, Angela and Andy might actually make a good couple. But I couldn't do that to Dwight. Or Angela. Or Andy." -Pam
Mar. 24th: "I know a lot of you are very upset with me for endangering Meredith's life by hitting her with my car. But it may make you feel a little bit better to know that before that happened, Dwight endangered her life by putting a garbage bag over her head with a bat in it. . . . Turns out, Meredith has been exposed to rabies, which is like ten times worse than a little crack in your pelvis. Thanks to me, she went to the hospital and I saved her life." -Michael
Mar. 25th: "Oh, yes, I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause." -Stanley
Mar. 26th: "A bunch of guys in a tent making s'mores. . . . Here's the thing. That's not how you go camping. I think you go camping by yourself in the wilderness. It's not with a group of guys frolicking around in tents." -Michael
Mar. 27th: "You people need to educate yourselves. Myth: Three American every year die from rabies. Fact: Four Americans die every year from rabies. How many of you know someone who has been afflicted or affected by rabies? Show of hands. One, two, three . . . too many to count. It is truly the silent killer. No, it is the foaming, barking killer." -Michael
Mar. 28th/29th: "You know, I just realized, this is Pam's and my first night away together . . . I used to play it over in my head and it was just a little bit different. Maybe a nice hotel. Or a romantic dinner . . . Wine. But wine that wasn't made out of beets. Didn't think Dwight would be involved at all." -Jim
Mar. 30th: "'Cause you know what they say in the BIble about forgiveness? Forgiveness is next to Godliness." -Michael
Mar. 31st: Oscar: "Michael, this is a presentation tool." Michael: "You're a presentation tool if you think I'm going to tell Jan about this."
Apr. 1st: "I kind of know what it's like to be in commercials. My nickname is high school used to be 'Kool-Aid Man.'" -Kevin
Apr. 2nd: "Is there a God? If not, what are all these churches for? And who is Jesus's dad?" -Michael
Apr. 3rd: "Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton? . . . Yeah, I didn't think I did. Well, it was all about Pam. . . . She was with Roy and I just couldn't take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't concentrate on anything. And weird stuff, like food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. And it is something that I would not wish on my worst enemy, and that includes you." -Jim
Apr. 4th/5th: "I am the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Utica Branch. Turns out it's a pretty easy gig when your boss isn't an idiot and your boyfriend's not in love with somebody else." -Karen
Apr. 6th: Michael: "Dwight will be driving me deep into the Pennsylvania wilderness. Where he will then leave me to either die, or to survive . . . the choice is yours." Jim: "No, the choice is actually yours. Are you sure you want to do this?"
Apr. 7th: "Excuse me. I have an announcement to make. We seem to be missing a box of chocolate turtles with pecans. And, we are not leaving the premises until we obtain them. Hand. Over. The turtles. Now!" -Dwight
Apr. 8th: "This is who I am now, a guy on a train with no answers. I hope that can be enough for you." -Michael